Ah the holiday weekend

Seeing as I work in a hospital, and have for almost a total of 4 years, holidays don't mean much to me. I have had to work every single holiday at least once, but usually more than once. They are normal days to me.

This holiday though, I do not have to work, and I have worked it for years. In anticipation for having off the 4th of July, I thought of all the fun things I could possible do that I always seemed to miss out on in the years before. For whatever reason, no one has planned anything.

I am not much for planning myself, since I have diagnosed myself a severe perfectionist. I spend the days leading up and following cleaning ferociously. But here I am without anything to do but have people over. In desperate attempt to not become a cleaning maniac and an utter bitch to my roommate, I decided maybe I should go out tonight instead. Be a procrastinator and wait until tomorrow to do it, hoping of course I don't get too crazy and have a hangover from hell or worse, not getting any sleep.

I love the actual act of entertaining people. I don't like feeling like I have to though. Some might be thinking that I am setting myself up for disaster tomorrow, but alas, there will be drinks there to. Maybe just to calm some nerves. I don't pass judgement on anyone else's home, why would I think people would do that to mine. I love where I live, I love all my things (minus my bed, which I am hoping to get rid of eventually but that will cause another stint of perfectionism). So why should I feel freaked out by people seeing my humble abode. Who knows? It's one of my weird quirks.

I have always wanted people to feel like they could come over anytime. Like my home could be comfortable for them too. My old place was like that. I had people show up there all the time, maybe because it was on campus, who knows. I miss that though. I don't feel like that is the case anymore, for whatever reason. It's like no one does house stuff anymore, we all just meet somewhere. That's frustrating. I miss going to my friend's parents house and being okay with drinking too much and just crashing there. I miss friends having a key to my place, just in case they ever needed to come by when I wasn't there. I have had maybe 2 friends at the new place. Most people don't even know where it is.

So this weekend is my effort to make this place what I used to have. Hopefully it will go well. It may be a bust.

love to all.
C