What's staring back...

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I think to myself, Damn I look good. Other times I think (usually when I wake up in the morning) I look like I got ran over by a bus. I would really like to know if anyone likes how they look all the time. I look in the mirror before I get in the shower and pinch and poke and pull tight the parts of my body that I wish were different. Is that vain of me? Is there a part of me that feels like I need to be perfect? Obviously I know I am not, but every person has something they dislike about themselves. I am not sure how much of it I would actually change though. I am pretty satisfied at how I turned out so far. I definitely had some dodgy times in middle school when I thought there was no way I would ever grow out of my awkward phase. Which brings me to the fact that I need to hook up the scanner at home, so I can post some of these awkward times.

On another note, I found out today my brother is moving to Houston. It wasn't really a for sure thing until yesterday, and I am pretty bummed about it. He lives about 10 miles from me now and before I moved he lived about 2 miles away. I still would only see him about once a month or maybe even once every other month. But I always knew that if I needed him, he was close. If I ever had too much to drink, I knew I could call him. If I was scared about something I could always go there and take over his couch. I don't really like the thought of not having him close. Many people know he is one of my top three favorite people in the world. True, he lived in Hawaii for a year, and Stillwater for two years, but I have come to depend on him and I doubt even he knows it.

I recently had a situation arise that I really needed him to just be somewhere for moral support, and he came. I am pretty sure he had other plans, or plans of staying in, but he came anyway and it meant a lot to me for him to be there. So there is that. I wish he wasn't leaving. I am sure his girlfriend is just as upset as I am. Hopefully I can make my way there more than I have other places. Other than that there is not much I can do.

But back to the mirror thing. I sometimes think the mirror tells you more what you want to see instead of what is actually there. The picture that makes it to your brain from your eyes is not the same thing that your eyes originally see. I know girls who have severe distorted body images. So much so, I wonder how they can't see what other people see. One day I was leaving the movies and this bag-of-bones of a woman was walking in front of me. I couldn't believe my eyes. She looked so malnourished and unhealthy. I think it can be flipped though as well. I think a lot of people look in the mirror and choose not to see the unhealthy weight that is doing their body harm by being so heavy. I don't really know which is worse. Both are equally dangerous and both are equally fixed. I have never been either. Thank goodness. One day, my mother keeps telling me, my metabolism is going to slow down and I am going to either blow up or I will have to start getting serious about what I eat. Nothing like a good dose of reality every once in awhile, only a parent can give.

Love what you see in the mirror...
Love to all,

C