Barely keeping my eyes open

The lack of sleep for me has been somewhat rewarding.
Work, going out, staying up after the bars close, sleep
Work, going out, staying up after the bars close, sleep
Etc.

I am not sure how I am running on anything but an empty tank right now.
But for once in my life, I don't regret it.
For once I am doing stuff for me.

I am growing short with people though, which brings me to my #1 problem in Dallas.
No one here understands the concept of the left lane is for passing.
Everyday I drive to work there are at least 7 drivers that sit in the left lane going no faster than 60, usually only 55. IN THE LEFT LANE!!!!

This drives me absolutely crazy. So if you are reading this, I better not see you sitting in the left lane, especially when someone behind you obviously is trying to go faster than you. Maybe it is because I have had to take defensive driving so many times that I know this, but it's the law that slower traffic is to stay to the right.

So that is my weird rant for the day. Or week. Or however long it takes me to catch up on sleep.

love to all.

C

Imaginary friend

I am quite shocked that I never had an imaginary friend as a child. With two older brothers and many neighborhood kids to keep me busy, I never felt like I needed someone else to talk to. I had a mother who stayed at home with us until we were in school, she even taught me kindergarten (which I am still a little bitter about since I didn't get a real kindergarten graduation). I remember while my brothers played baseball, soccer and pretty much every other sport and I was dragged along, I would go find a quiet place and play by myself. This was one of the very few moments when I was alone. From about age 3 to 7 I was obsessed with the mud. So I used these alone times to find the one or more places with mud. I am sure I was a sight for my parents eyes when they would come looking for me and find me in my cute little girl clothes covered in mud.

I miss those simple days. The kind of days that the most important thing to do is get dirty and not having to worry about how to get clean. I find myself at least once a day wishing I was a kid again. I was a weird ass kid, but I enjoyed it until I got to the point where all I wanted to do was grow up. How do you possibly convince a child that they should not rush adulthood? The one thing I hold tight to as an adult is my child-like imagination. When I decided I didn't want to be seen as a kid anymore, I think my imagination intensified. It was like I knew I would need something to keep me attached to my kid self. I still have such a vivid imagination that takes hold of me especially in the last few moments before I go to sleep. I miss being a kid, I miss the mud, but thank goodness I still have my imagination.

P.S. I will have to find a picture of me when I was little and playing in the mud.

Standing in the same place

For past few months, ever since my birthday, I have lacked a significant genuine emotion. Nothing has brought me severe sadness, happiness, anger, hopefulness or excitement. While most people may see no problem with this, I have been extremely bothered by it. Considering these are the things that spur my inspiration to write.

Ever since my birthday, life for me has been a whirlwind. I feel like I have had very few moments to myself and even less moments to do what makes me truly happy. This by no means is any kind of regret or blame put on anyone. I have been working, going out of town, moving and all with my usual social schedule. And while I love the life I have thus far, I wish my motivation to write was more intact.

I have felt stagnant in Dallas for some time now. I know it is not the people, because I have grown so close to many amazing people here, but I think it has more to do with the lack of spark between my synapses. I have been reading uncontrollably but that really isn't bringing emotion either.

The other night I was at a friend's house and something was said that made me realize I may not be the only person in the world that has a hard time conjuring up inspiration. I realized I was not really doing anything different day-to-day. Nights I would spend with the same people. Days at work. Going to the same places I had been going for over a year now. So I realized that was more than likely the reason for my feeling of stagnancy, and possibly my problem of inspiration. I miss being able to write almost everyday. I was much more in tune with myself when I was writing more.

So I changed my blog name and such to make it more about me. Music is part of me, so I am sure it will be making some appearances. But this will be me...trying to come up with something creative, and make some kind of revelation that could some day turn into a book.