In the morning hours

I often find myself waking up in the wee hours of the morning.
I start thinking of things. Things I know I can not
fix between 4 and 8a.m.
For some reason though, they wake me up and
make it hard to fall back to sleep.
It usually involves money, sometimes relationship problems.
Between men and friends.
All it is though, is me analyzing every bit of something
from the confines of my bed.
Nothing will obviously be done about it until later.
But for whatever reason, I find myself unable to shut my mind off.
It could be my crazy sleep schedule or as a friend said,
the time when alcohol leaves your body.

Whatever the reason, I sometimes have the biggest epiphanies
in the half-awake moments.
I find myself realizing the answer to some
question or how to solve a problem.
Other times though I give up the fight and
let myself think of something else.
I have never been good at sleeping the whole night through.
This is very rare for me, so much so that I have a
collection of books next to my bed.

Maybe I do have sleep apnea or something of that sort, but part of me
loves that time in the morning.
Sometimes I come up with really good stuff.
This morning I woke up about 9:30, after going to bed around 3:30 a.m.
I knew this would never be adequate sleep for me.
In the amount of time before I drifted back to sleep,
I tried to decipher what parts of last night were
real and which were a dream.
It's very difficult when the people from the night
before filter into your dreams.
So this morning I had to remind myself of the progression
of the night and the dreams I remembered.
This is the point in the whole day when I can feel raw emotions.
No one to see if I am happy or sad.

This is why I enjoy these times to myself.
I get to feel what I hide from people all day.
The root of who I am.
Sometimes I laugh to myself.
Sometimes I think of things I might regret.
And then there are days that I just appreciate what I have become
and love every part of my life.

Love to all...

C