My thoughts on myself and music

I have always been the type of person that has wanted to try every creative outlet possible. I have painted, drawn, written, played music...but it has always stopped at writing music. Because I am a writer I think the words wouldn't be that hard, but every time I try to sit down and write actual music, I hit a proverbial wall that will not fall down.

The picture I chose for this post is pretty odd, and most people would not understand it, so I shall try and explain. My open wound that I will continue to feed with vinegar is live music. I have loved music since I was very small. I sang up until I graduated high school, I played piano for six years, I have tried to learn various other instruments since then. I love music. I love the process. I love the notes, everyone of them. I myself, cannot make it. The picture above is probably one of musical idols which most people would probably cringe at, but I think there is much to be said about him.

To me a song is usually made of simple aspects put together precisely to make it come together. There is a melody, a harmony, a bass line of some kind, a rhythm. But Sufjan Stevens does something I can only wish I could do. He is more of a composer I think. I have admired him from a far for a good four years now, and finally last November I hoped a plane and decided to go see him live in person. This was not just an ordinary show that I went to either. He had orchestrated and taped a whole movement for his love/hate relationship with the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. The creativity from this man just showed itself all over the room.

The second half of the show was of his own songs that he had recorded along with the whole orchestra from the first half. You could hear a pin drop in that theatre. It was the most surreal moment of my life. I looked around only to see people staring in awe at this person. I know most everyone in that place knew some words to his music, but not a one was uttered. It was fabulous.

So this brings me to the fact that I could not even come close to something like that. As much as I have tried to plant myself at a piano for at least an hour to come up with something, I could never do it. So instead I surround myself with talented individuals that can write songs like I only wish I could. Many people ask me why I go out so much, and my simple reply is "I love music, I have to be around it". I would not live without it. It as much a creative breathe in my lungs as writing is, even though I am not the one doing it. And that is my wishful thinking that maybe one day I will be able to sit and write music for myself.